Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
