she woke up with a sticky ear
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's the barista slut.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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