We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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