I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
