i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
third nipple confirmed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
