You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
