I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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