I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
