Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
