Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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