im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
