I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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