Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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