Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love you. Go after that dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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