I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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