I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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