When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
