But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
