My first STD was from a foam party
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
