I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
