I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
