wanna go halves on a baby?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
