arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
