Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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