I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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