she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
