so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
