On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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