Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
