Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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