It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
