at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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