just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
