Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
