Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
