You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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