The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
