How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
