When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize