her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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