I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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