Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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