I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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