She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize