I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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