just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
