The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
