An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
