the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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