You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
