I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you win again, gameday.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
