In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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