I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
