I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
