I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
