He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize