So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Liz is crying about burritos again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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