when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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