So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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