and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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