How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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