We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want her autograph on my taint
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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